My friend Sampath recently sent me these real life Dilbert quotes…. Incredible but true !
One day my boss asked me to submit a status report to him concerning a project I was working on.
I asked him if tomorrow would be soon enough.
He said, “If I wanted it tomorrow, I would have waited until tomorrow to ask for it!”
(New business manager, Hallmark Greeting Cards)
“We know that communications is a problem, but the company is not going to discuss it with the employees…”
(Switching Supervisor, AT&T Long Lines Division)
My sister passed away and her funeral was
scheduled for Monday.
When I told my boss, he made a crack about her dying on purpose so that I would have to miss work on the busiest day of the year.
He then asked if we could change her burial to Friday, saying: “That would be better for me…”
(Shipping Executive, FTD Florists)
“Teamwork is a lot of people doing what I say…”
(Marketing executive, Citrix Corporation)
“…No one will believe you solved this problem in one day!
We’ve been working on it for months.
Now, go act busy for a few weeks and I’ll let you know when it’s time to tell them…”
(R&D Supervisor, Minnesota Mining and Manufacturing/3M Corp)
“Doing it right is no excuse for
not meeting the schedule…”
(Plant Manager, Delco Corporation)
“This project is so important, we can’t let things that are more important interfere with it…”
(Advertising/Marketing Manager, United Parcel Service)
“… E-mail is not to be used to pass on information or data.
It should be used only for
(Accounting Manager, Electric Boat Company)
“… What I need is an exact list of specific unknown problems we might encounter…”
(Lykes Lines Shipping)
…and the winner!
“… As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the building using individual
Pictures will be taken next Wednesday and employees will receive their cards in two weeks…”
(Fred Dales, Microsoft)